PHNOM PENH: Keo Sereyvuthy was born and raised before the Khmer Rouge regime. As she was the only daughter, her parents were strict with her but always gentle. They taught her to study hard and follow traditional Cambodian women’s values, such as walking quietly and speaking softly. They continued to teach her how to behave both before and after her marriage, including how to behave with her in-laws.
Teacher Vuthy held on to these teachings as she built her own family. Although the landscape of this generation is vastly different from the one she grew up in, she continues to hold on to traditional values.
She said, “Even though our country has progressed, many expats live here now, my family used to work with foreigners, and the children attended an international school, our family nevertheless maintains Cambodian traditions as always...What my parents taught me, I still teach to my daughter.”
Teacher Vuthy admits that she disciplines her daughter and son differently. She said she seems to be stricter with her daughter and gives her son much more freedom. She knows the pressure she puts on them, and now she has loosened up a lot more because she knows they are on the right track.
She said, “Sometimes the children think the parents are putting pressure on them. I understand that feeling, understand the feeling of [our daughter] and young girls. But I know that both my son and daughter, their friends are good people who contribute to society, contribute to Cambodian society, people with education. They did not walk on the wrong side of the road.”
Teacher Vuthy said she used to use strong language with her children, but has since changed her perceptions and method of discipline, and wants to warn other parents from doing the same.
She said, “Something I want to change in my method of discipline, which I also want to warn other parents against, is that we shouldn’t use strong, loud language. It’s useless. We should explain and discipline [our children] with a gentle voice. [My point is that] we should know what our children are like, we should know how our children think, because some people like [to hear] a sweet voice, some people need stricter discipline to follow advice. So yeah, we need to see what [our children are] like.”
Teacher Vuthy’s daughter, Chourn Chanlyna, said that her parents never hit her and taught her many things like speaking gently and knowing when to speak. The two work together as private Khmer tutors to foreigners at home.
What Teacher Lyna said she appreciated the most from all her parents’ teachings was learning the value of money. In order to get the things she wanted, she needed to earn it with good grades or by doing chores around the house, which instilled her with a good working ethic. She said she will teach these same lessons to her future children. One thing she would change, however, would be the amount of pressure she puts on her children. She said she wants to create more opportunities for them to speak up.
She said, “Spend time with the children and give them opportunities to speak their minds and ask their questions. I’m not saying that my parents didn’t let me ask questions. I asked some questions, but not all of them. There are some things that [I] felt like I couldn’t speak to them about totally. Discipline the children and nurture them like friends. So that the children will have the courage to speak to us about everything. Not immediately shut them down or tell them not to do it. We need to explain.”
Teacher Lyna said she never talked about bullies or anything that happened at school with her parents, but she noted that her parents also never asked. That is another thing she wants to do differently in the future. She said she wants to be more involved in raising her children, as she had seen some parents just let their children freely use their smartphones and tablets while she taught at a private school.
She said, “I see that parents nowadays let their children look at their phones and iPads. I understand that children in this generation are different from children from past generations while growing up, but sometimes, parents do not pay attention to what their children are watching. Before I used to work at a private school, I saw some children watch things that they shouldn’t be watching and they don’t know [they shouldn’t]. So maybe parents should pay [more] attention to what they’re watching, follow closely to what their children are facing right now, and how society influences our children.”
Although each generation seems to focus on different methods of discipline, one thing is clear. Discipline with love and gentleness will help children to grow well into their own.
"This independent article/video is part of a World Vision International Cambodia - EAC initiative to ensure children are better protected. Views expressed are purely the author's and may not necessarily reflect World Vision's position."
